At about 1:00 I started to feel very worthless. I felt I had wasted much too much time today, and felt so guilty that all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sulk. So, I did. I know, I know. You can't make a "non-productive" day more productive by spending the rest of the afternoon in bed, but that is what I felt like doing.
As I laid there, the phone rang. Should I answer it? No. Should I? The guilt came over me and I forced myself out of bed. It was one of my favorite neighbors, asking if we wanted some seven layer dip she had left from a party the night before. Definitely! Boy am I glad I made the effort to get out of bed and answer the phone call!
As I got off the phone, her thoughtfulness snapped me out of my funk. I still felt guilt, but now it had a little mixture of gratitude to sweeten it. Fine, I'll check my "To Do" list and get to work.
As I went to get out my laptop and go over things, a thought hit me. I had to have done SOMETHING today. Right? It was 1:30 in the afternoon. Was there anything I did that could be of worth?
"I know. I will do an 'Already Done' list". Here it is...
Already Done
(Good grief. My teenage son just came home and said, "What have you been doing all day?" As he looked around at the mess from the family party last night. I politely said back, "You all helped make this mess, so we will all clean it up together." HA! Back to the list...)
-Up at 6:00. (Impressive, right?)
-Shower and dress to shoes. (Flylady talk)
-Make lunches for the family (Note: that is four lunches.) Make sure they contain something healthy, like fruit.
-Give teenage son a ride to school since he missed the bus because he had no pants to wear for they were all dirtied at his scout camp this weekend and he didn't think to wash them until 45 minutes before he had to leave for school. (Note: Husband has declared that all kids are to do their own laundry to teach said kids essential skills and make my life easier. I laugh at that last part.) Teenage son went to school with damp pants. We will see if this natural consequence helps in the future.
-Go over math test AGAIN with 10 year old son. (He will be taking the test for the fourth time today.)
-Read one chapter in scriptures. Currently in the New Testament - Romans
-Write to my missionary who is serving in Brazil. He warned us he will not be sending his weekly email today, and I miss him. (Maybe that's why I've felt so bummed.)
-Answer emails, and send in my points to our "Health Challenge" team leader. I got 215 points out of 225! (Trust me, it could have been a lot worse. I was mentally smelling chocolate all week long. Tough!)
-Exercise 45 minutes to" almost-teenage" daughter's "Dance 4" Wii game. Answer phone call during said Wii game, which led to helping out a neighbor. So, it really took an hour and fifteen minutes.
-Uplift someone. (Yes, spent one hour on Facebook, which sparked my guilt. But as I look back I was able to cheer up some people, so hopefully it wasn't time wasted.)
-Make bed. Finally! Took me getting out of it to make it, though. :)
So, what do you think? Was my day a waste? Had I done "nothing"? As I looked over my list, I gained courage. I had done a lot of great things today. I did that which was most important. It wasn't a waste after all!
How many times have I done this to myself? Beat myself up because I hadn't done what I felt was "important", like making my house spotless and such? Let's just say, I have been beating myself up for thirty + years too long. So, I am going to make this blog a place where I write down the things I have already done. I have been given great counsel to focus on what I can accomplish, rather than dwelling on what I can't. I think it is time I follow this counsel.
Now, I have to say here (To ease my never-ending feelings of guilt. Got to work on that.) that I am not doing this to brag about all the awesomeness I accomplish. HA! I am doing this to help myself learn what is truly important in life, and how to make the counsel of doing what is "Best" come before the "Good" and the "Better". I need help gaining perspective. I hope this blog helps.
Hmmm... . Making a reverse "To Do" list. I like it!
